Assalamualaikum. Dear Ayah,
Ive been reading this book from one of infamous anonymous blogger in Malaysia, Esc. by Budak Tomato.
And ada satu part dia cerita pasal keluarga. Funny how its really hit me right in the heart.
Puasa tempat jauh nak kata tak biasa, dah 3 tahun dah puasa tanpa keluarga kat sisi. Tapi, tahun ni Elly rasa lain macam sikit.
Probably sebab semua dah besar. Semua dah ada haluan sendiri. Lagi pulak, in Shaa Allah dua orang akan mendirikan 'masjid' and most of them dah berpunya so tunggu masa je.
And maybe jugak, part of me dah mula realise yang we all will be separated by fate. Slowly. Eventually. Whether i want it or not.
Maybe part of me against this natural phenomenon.
Maybe part of me not yet ready to be separated.
Maybe part of me got scared of being lonely
Growing up with big family really means everything to me
I admit. There are times where I wish i was the only child. I wish i had more brother than having 4 sisters. Where i felt like i was better off alone. Where i wish i wasnt born in that family.
But,
Most of the times..
I did enjoy having them with me.
Suasana gelak ketawa,
Suara kepochi kakchik yang bingit yang boleh pecah gegendang telinga yang sampai kau berdoa Allah ya Tuhanku berikan kekuatan kepada telingaku, hatiku dan perasaanku untuk tabah hadapi semua ini hahaaha annoying tapi sebenarnya caring and sangat mendisiplinkan lol kekadang lagi takut kakchik daripada Mak. Lawak merepek tu jangan cakaplah. Sampai sekarang terbayang lagu 'Roda Roda Kuala Lumpur' version Kakchik
Masakan Along yang sampai Elly boleh tambah nasi 3-4 kali (pernah habiskan 1pot nasi untuk Elly sorang), perabehkan lauk and part paling best Along ni pandai suggest movie best best. Dengan Along kalau layan movie paling syok. Disebabkan Alonglah, Elly jatuh cinta tergolek dengan Star Wars. Kim salam cium peluk kat Sumi. Windu dak Michellin tu
Lawak Angah yang merepek especially part kentut dalam kereta pastu lock tingkap pastuh mati kelemasan dalam kereta. Dahlah bawak kereta kekadang sengaja kasi pening sebab tau Elly mabuk. Sakit tapi bantai gak gelak, nasihat nasihat Angah yang kekadang masuk telinga kanan keluar telinga kiri, part pemurah Angah yang tak kedekut belanja kitorang and komen kritik movie/drama as our hobby,
Kakdibah dengan tabiat suka cilok baju, shawl orang pastuh ajak makan pastuh tido pastuh sambung makan - in shorts, kakak paling pelik perangai. Dahlah bajet muda hahaha tapi thanks to Kakdibah, Elly rajin buat senaman sendiri sendiri menari kpop kat bilik dulu haha
Tahap ke-blur-an kakdilah yang kekadang melampau tapi buat kakdilah nampak comel rasa nak lempang haha dengan rajin masaknya tapi makan sikit pastuh tak habis kasi Elly. Nasib Elly makan banyak pastuh sayur jangan ceritalah. Asingkan taugeh 3-4 jam. K hiperbola. Pastuh sumbat segala sayur kat kita.
Kegigihan Amin ajak main game banyak kali eventho banyak kali kenakan dia. Janji nak main lepas dia habiskan semua level last last tidoq hahaha yang rajin teman baca Manga, kongsi cerita pasal komik komik, movie action and cartoon - in shorts, member untuk Elly back to my childhood and stay young forever, member untuk Elly jadi tak matang kahkahkah
**untuk orang kuat makan, Along and Kakdilah probably the best gift selepas emak kahkahkah
Im used to this kind of family. Family yang sarcasms level tahap dewa sampai orang hati tisu cam Elly ni memang habis kotak tisu sebab lawak diorang Elly tak faham lol. Family yang selera besar pastuh berebut makanan. Berebut beratur nak mak suap walaupun umur dah besar panjang
Dia punya dah biasa suasana meriah tu sampai terbawak duduk kat asrama.
Sanggup beli makanan lebih, beli biskut ke kuih or jajan walapun jenis tak makan makanan camtuh sangat semata nak kongsi dengan roomate dengan jiran sebelah
Kadang tak makan mana pun. Just nak merasa nikmat berkongsi
Sanggup offer nak suap member sebab dah biasa suap kakchik kat rumah
Sanggup offer rasa makanan kita banyak kali dengan harapan member pun buat benda yang sama sebab kat rumah selalu buat round table supaya semua dalam merasa makanan (this includes sengaja order makanan lain lain supya lagi banyak makanan boleh rasa)
Sanggup bangun sahur kejut pintu depan sebab nak sahur sesama. Tanak rasa sunyi sensorang.
Sanggup merempat bilik orang sebab taknak rasa sunyi bila roomate ada kelas.
Sanggup berhimpit dalam kereta nak ikut keluar jugak walaupun duit kekadang cukup untuk transport sebab nak seronok keluar ramai-ramai
Things that we spend together what makes it more valuable to treasure.
Memories that i kept in this empty mind of mine, almost most of it are things i spend with my family
Couple of times i wake up with tears rolling on my face as i just dreamt of a vacation with my family. I miss going out with them. I miss the fight we had when we're going out. The talk we had. The arguments. The loud and noisy environment eventho i dont talk much. I dont join in the conversation much. More to a loyal listener whenever im with them coz theyre already loud so yeah, its better for me to just listened to them lol
I may not show much of interest. May not express my feeling much except for crying and craving. May not express my love much to them (i only express my love towards food, cats, animals and mum).
But,
That doesnt mean i didnt care. I didnt pray for them.
In fact,
They mean the whole world to me.
Thanks to Esc. Im now missing my family more than everything. Eventho one day, we all will be having our on family. Do know that I will always love you and youll always be in my prayer, dear siblings.
Ok geli pulak bila baca hahaaahhahaha dahlah. Nak sambung tidoq. Nyampah tau baca buku gini. Suka buat iolls emosi (padahal memang jenis emosi 24jam, sememeh nak matey sejak azali)
Tata. Assalamualaikum 💘👨👩👧👦👧👧👧👧👦
