Untitled

Dear Ayah,

Someone told me to update my blog today. Yeah, i feel like updating it before but the feeling just fade away. Wanted to update about my mini reunion with lads from SK Alam Shah (1) (i still sang the song from time to time lol) Baiti, Dayah and Haliza. Theyre all my best buds and will always be since 2003. We rarely contact but that doesnt stop us from being friends, or they?

Well, i dont know where this post really headings to. All i know is i have lose. Yeah dad. I lose in a battle i didnt prepared enough for. Mentally or physically, both are in state of shock, devastated and *insert more sorrow, pityful, sad words here*

I didnt cope myself well to this battle to begin with. I mean its probably my first time though. Losing once doesnt mean youre a loser forever aite? But why do i feels like im losing big time here. Like im the biggest loser ever. I did tried my best to make some effort to fight for the battle i guess the effort is useless or maybe only effort isnt enough. Yeah, some people may appreciate it but it doesnt work that way. Its not supposed just to be appreciated. I dont know. Maybe my mind is too complicated and im the one who ruin the good game plan

The battlefield.... well of coz its not some kind of easy war. You might endup getting some stiches (sing to Stiches - Shawn Mendez when you read this) , wounds and might lose some organs but at the end of the day, therell be losers and winners. Either way, the battle will end and everyone gets their creds and all of the sacrifices worth it

But, what if youre the only one that actually wanted some fight? Then, therell be no war. No battlefield to join in. Then life would be at peace and no one is hurting. No one is losing or winning then

How I wish life is that easy, simple and cosy. How i wish theres only white instead of colours. No emotions and feelings to care about. To control. No one is important to you. Nothing is important. Only you and yourself is what matters.. oh well... how i wish i was smart enough back then.

We just have to face it. Life isnt always as rainbow as you were told during bedtime stories which always has an happy ending to it. Life isnt always about good people with great lifestyle. Life isnt always about fairies and princesses. Theres Boogeyman dont they? Life isnt that bright all the time. Therell be storm, windy, summer, fall, heavy rainfall season and etc. Life isnt something you could figure it out with science or geomatrical. Life is something unpredictable. Like a cruel step-mother with a lovely sister by your side. Someday you in torture room and someday you sit in coffee table,drinking some hot machiato with party of caramel while reading tabloids on how lovely that day was.

Just dont put your hope so high, dont expect too much, dont fall so hard, dont fall so deep, dont make effort, dont waste your time for some garbages and more importantly dont let your guards down. Never. You never knew what future awaits you.. wish there were some manuals to teach how to live the life and yes, Quran is actually part of the manual of coz. Maybe im the problems here. Not life, not you not even her not even him or anyone. Its me......well....

There are too many maybe, probably and questions in my life. Shoud recheck my life now i supposed...

Goodnite. Or is it mornite? Hahaha why do i even care. Pretty sure my face gonna endup swollen tomorrow morning. Oh well. Not like im going to get married within the time soon. Assalamualaikum